Football is just physics and bad math.

When Michael Carrick stands on the touchline tonight at Goodison Park, he isn’t looking at a sport. He’s looking at a legacy system that’s been poorly maintained for a decade. He’s the interim CTO brought in to fix the server room while it’s literally on fire, and his "pondering of changes" is really just a desperate attempt to find a version of the code that doesn't crash on startup.

The headline says "changes." That’s corporate-speak for realizing your $100 million assets are currently performing like $15 burner phones.

Manchester United is a club built on the tech-bro logic of "move fast and break things," except they forgot the first part and just kept breaking things. They’ve spent billions to build a squad that functions with the internal logic of a group chat where everyone is muted. Now, Carrick has to figure out if he can actually bench the high-cost hardware that isn't delivering. You know the ones. The guys whose weekly wages could fund a mid-sized municipal library but who can’t seem to track a simple runner into the box.

It’s an optimization problem. If you’ve got a £500,000-a-week wage bill for a player who’s essentially a glorified NFT—visible, expensive, but ultimately useless in a practical setting—do you keep him in the starting XI for the brand? Or do you swap him for a hungry kid from the academy who actually understands how to run?

That’s the friction. It’s the tension between the board’s need for "star power" and the manager’s need for someone who won’t lose their marker on a set-piece. It’s a trade-off that has turned one of the biggest brands in global sports into a laughingstock for anyone who values efficiency over marketing spend.

Then there’s Everton. If United is a failing tech giant, Everton is the local ISP that still charges you for dial-up speeds but somehow manages to stay in business through sheer, stubborn localized grit. Goodison Park isn't a stadium; it’s a hostile operating environment. It’s loud, it’s cramped, and it’s designed to make high-priced imports feel like they’ve stepped into a blender. It’s the ultimate stress test for Carrick’s "changes."

You can see the dilemma on Carrick’s face. He’s a man who spent his career being the glue, the quiet processor running in the background making sure every other component didn't overheat. Now he’s the one holding the manual. Does he go with the "safe" veterans who have let down every manager since 2013? Or does he try to hot-swap the lineup and hope the whole thing doesn't blue-screen before the thirty-minute mark?

The rumors suggest he’s looking at the midfield. That’s the engine room, or it’s supposed to be. For United, it’s usually just a gaping hole where defensive transitions go to die. Moving the pieces around there isn't tactical genius; it’s basic maintenance. It’s clearing the cache because the system is lagging so hard you can’t even see the ball anymore.

What’s hilarious is the way we talk about this like it’s a chess match. It’s not. It’s a salvage operation. Every time the camera cuts to the directors' box, you see the guys who approved the spending. They look like venture capitalists who just realized they backed a WeWork for grass. They wanted a disruptor; they got a disaster.

Carrick’s "latest test" isn't just about three points in the Premier League table. It’s about proving that there’s still a functional logic to this roster. It’s about showing that the £80 million defender isn't just a sunk cost. It’s about convincing a global audience that they haven't been watching a ten-year beta test of "How Not to Run a Football Club."

The lights will come on, the siren will blare, and for ninety minutes, we’ll pretend this is about "passion" and "identity." But look closer at the dugout. You’ll see a man trying to debug a program that was written by five different people who didn't speak the same language.

If the changes don't work, what’s the next move? Do they just try turning it off and on again, or is the hardware finally too broken to save?

Maybe they should just try a factory reset and see if anyone notices the difference.